Billing Your Marketer

  • Posted on: 9 May 2014
  • By: Shawn DeWolfe

I used to cold call prospective clients. I hated the concept, but I would do it. When we re-energized,, I grabbed the courage to do more cold calling. It was a hapless and sad exercise. Car salesmen and the car dealerships are merciless. This is why I am prepping something new for the car site-- a way to take their greed and use it as an accelerant, not a barricade.

With cold calling, I feel like I'm the guy that jumps in to every room like it's an orgy after per-emptively dropping my pants to put everyone in the mood. I hate is so much, that when I am cold-called, a mean streak in me comes out.

Yesterday, I got a call:

She: "Hi, this is [desperate], from Immotion. We are creating a new program for web developers and we would like your input and feedback."
Me: "Well, that sounds great. Now for that sort of participation, well, that amounts to an engagement, which I bill out at $80/hr and a minimum of $1500. If you would like to proceed, I am happy to do so, but we would have to sign or agree to something to the effect of acceptance of that."
She: "Well, this would be someone of mutual benefit, and that's the benefit is what you would get."
Me: "That's great. But you did ask for my feedback. Services of that sort I bill out as previously stated." You see: I was not wasting my day. I was in the process of going to the kitchen to get coffee. I can multi-task. I can be a jerk while doing other things.
She: "I'd like to send you something via email to review."
Me: "I would welcome that. Now, if you send that through, that will begin our engagement and I will invoice and collect for $1500, then bill for whatever else is additional thereafter. Can you get me your billing information? I can wait."
She: "I will have to talk with my sales manger and then call you back."
Me: "I look forward to hearing from you in the near future."
What did she do wrong? She played along. She was supposed to close a sale and make her mark. I threw her a curve ball. She should have said something that translated into "you just brought a basketball to a baseball game." Instead, she kept dancing. My approach is to be ridiculous. My attack vector is to be friendly and agreeable. I will say the worst things in the nicest ways. When you get into customer service Hell with Bell Mobility, being rude and angry will cause them to disconnect the call. Instead, I will be polite. When I get really pissed, I will use phrases like, "I would recommend that you seek employment a place that does not require quality of service or intellectual capacity." Listen to the British: they say the meanest things in the nicest ways. Do that when you have a bad phone call and watch the other side squirm. They're used to triggering rage and then backing up for the explosion to happen. I like getting the chance to politely pull the trigger and listen to them explode over the phone. Please don't call.
Image from Pixabay.

Last updated date

Monday, September 30, 2019 - 17:12